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We went on a date with Dating & Love Life Coach Evin Rose to talk about being single, dating, and love. Here’s what she states about a few popular dating questions.
So much of what makes first dates feel uncomfortable or job interview-esque is our mindset going in! I encourage my clients to create a pre-date routine, which typically begins with building yourself up (try reminding yourself that you're a f*cking catch, that you're worthy of connection and love, and of all the great qualities that your best friend or loved ones would say about you). When we're feeling comfortable with who we are and proud of what we're bringing to the table, it's a lot easier to feel comfortable with your date!
If you're feeling nervous before your date, try identifying the unhelpful thoughts that are putting pressure on you or on the experience-- i.e. "I need him/her to like me," or "this could be The One!." Ask yourself what mindset would help you to feel more at ease and ready to enjoy yourself? Try: "This is just an opportunity to connect with another human being," "My date and I are on the same team," or "It's not my job to get anyone to like me; let's find out if I like them!"
Once you're on the date, remember that you don't have to perfect. You can actually acknowledge if you're feeling nervous-- there's a good chance your date is, too! If you catch yourself feeling stuck in routine, surface level questions, try asking about whatever you're genuinely curious about. What's their guilty pleasure TV show-- the one they usually wouldn't admit to on a first date ;) ? What did they want to be when they were a kid, or what would they be doing with their life if money didn't matter? You can get to know someone so much better when you're willing to be curious and playful, rather than playing it safe and collecting the typical data points.
Online dating is just one method of meeting people; it's not better or worse, and it's definitely not the only way!
My clients tend to be busy people with very full lives, who are typically over the bar scene and don't have as much built in opportunity to meet new people as we did back in our college days. Online dating is a relatively convenient, lower-time commitment way to see who's out there, strike up a conversation, and potentially make a connection, so I do encourage my clients to use the apps. That being said, here a few big Do's & Don'ts of online dating:
-Don't be on every app under the sun, but rather limit yourself to an app or two so that you can stay engaged without getting overwhelmed.
-Do think of apps as just another platform to meet people, and then get out on an IRL date ASAP! You don't want to waste weeks and weeks chatting inside the apps or feeling like you're already getting to know someone while you're still in this virtual world, or you'll risk creating a false sense of intimacy, being super disappointed, or getting stuck in penpal territory!
-Don't rely on dating apps as your only avenue to meet new people. Online dating should be a supplement, not a replacement, to meeting people out an about in the world. Being able to feel out the vibe or chemistry in person is definitely ideal, but plenty of happy couples these days do meet online-- so don't write it off!
No! And yes...
There's nothing inherently wrong with being single, no matter the length of time. There are many reasons why we're single for certain stretches of our lives-- whether we're healing from a past relationship, getting to know ourselves better, focusing on career or travel or family & friendships or just living our damn lives! As long as we're feeling good about how we're showing up in our lives-- to me that means authentically, open-heartedly, vulnerably, confidently, self-expressed, with great communication, boundaries, deep connection, etc-- we have the capacity to meet someone and create that meaningful relationship whenever we're ready.
That being said, there are some reasons that I see people staying single, as well as certain by-products of being single for a long time, that can create resistance for us when we do eventually want a relationship.
Some introspective questions to consider: Have you been single all this time because you're not feeling worthy or deserving of love and partnership? Are your fears or anxieties getting in your way of real connection and intimacy? Are you filling up your life to the brim with work and friends and travel and never-ending to do lists, and putting your love life on the backburner because it feels scary or overwhelming to make dating a priority? Do you find something wrong with everyone you meet, have unreasonable (read: super judgy) standards, or otherwise tend to self-sabotage the possibility for a healthy relationship? If so, this is where a great coach can support you in releasing whatever's getting in your way, and claiming what you actually want ;)
And let's say none of the above applies to you, but you've been single by choice for quite some time. You may feel so independent that it's hard to imagine letting someone else in to the awesome life you're created. You may get overly-attached to your routines and set in your way of doing things, which can create challenges with bringing someone else into the mix. Or you may fear that having a meaningful relationship means losing your freedom and autonomy (spoiler: it doesn't have to!).
My job is to empower people, women specifically, to create the love lives they desire-- whether that's choosing to be single and cultivating deep self love and worthiness, enjoying a healthy and fun dating & sex life, and/or creating that ultimate, loving partnership. I want you to know that you can have it, and I'm here to help if you don't yet feel like you're fully on your path. <3
***I'm also happy to offer a complimentary consult for any single women from your community! They can complete this connection form or email me directly :)
Visit Evin Rose’s website here and follow her on Instagram @evinrose for more on how to create epic relationships!